What NOT To Say When A Loved One Leaves The Church
When a loved one leaves the church so many emotions come up. We often are filled with fear and want to fix things quickly. It is hard to know what to say because it feels like so much is at stake. We spend so much time trying to convince them to change their course. We may flip into missionary mode and think that if we just share the right talk, invite them to repent, or bear our testimony then they will change. Spoiler alert trying to get them to change and convince them, doesn’t usually go well.
You may want to avoid these:
Maybe you should pray harder.
Is there something you need to repent of?
How could you do this to me?
Are you still praying, reading scriptures, etc?
You are going to regret this.
I hope it doesn’t take something terrible to get you to come back.
You are ruining our eternal family.
Even if you are thinking these things, consider the impact these questions and statements could have on your relationship. If your ultimate goal is to connect with your loved one, trying to get them to change, blaming them for your emotions, or using fear based tactics will most likely lead to disconnection.
Here are some alternatives:
I am here for you.
I love you.
I bet this is hard for you.
Help me understand what is going on for you.
I trust you are doing the best thing for you.
How can I best support you?
Tell me more about your journey (and really listen).
Remember, understanding doesn’t mean you agree. Coming from a place of curiosity, sincerely trying to understand your loved one instead of trying to convince them, has a much better chance of creating connection. Check out this podcast episode on this topic. Focus on who you want to be instead of focusing on who you want them to be.
Fear is a common emotion in our mixed faith relationships. If you are feeling a lot of fear, I get it. I feel it around my own mixed faith relationships. When we operate from fear, we don't show up as our best selves. Christ has invited us to "Fear Not". Let me help you deal with the fear that is coming up for you. When we allow those emotions that feel so scary, we can get to peace sooner... allowing us to show up as the person we want to be.
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Episode 21: A Mad Lib For A Difficult Conversation
Communication can be challenging in any relationship.
In mixed faith relationships, we get lots of opportunities to polish our communication tools.
In this episode I share a framework you can use when you are having a disagreement.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THE COMMUNITY OF CONNECTION
