Things to consider when your loved one leaves the church…

Many members of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints experience the heart wrenching challenge of having a loved one leave the church.  For some it feels like a worst nightmare coming true. I get it because I have experienced this with my spouse, my children, and many other people dear to me.  Here are a few things to consider:

• When our loved one shares their views, keep in mind, they have probably made up their minds and they aren’t asking you to address their concerns.  This is not the time to preach, testify, and pull out a conference talk.  This is the time to listen to them.  Instead of trying to convince them, try to understand where they are coming from.  Here are a few questions that may be helpful: 

  • What can I do to support you right now? 

  • What would help you to feel loved and understood?

  • This is a hard thing; how are you holding up?

  • Will you tell me more about what you do believe?

• President M. Russel Ballard was asked how we can help our less active loved ones, “My answer is please do not preach to them! Your family members or friends already know the Church’s teachings. They don’t need another lecture! What they need—what we all need—is love and understanding, not judging. …be genuinely interested in their lives, their successes, and their challenges. Always be warm, gentle, loving, and kind.”

• Always consider what you want in the long term for your relationship, and act from that place.  For me, I want to have connected loving relationships with my loved ones. If love is what I want to feel in the future, I want to use love as my fuel today.  From firsthand experience I have learned that it is really hard to love someone when I am judging them.  

• Instead of praying for them to change, pray for guidance as to how you can show more love.  Pray to know one way to connect with them today.

• Remember what your role is and what Christ’s role is.  Your job is to love.  Christ's job is to save.  Remember, He loves them more than you do. He has already promised to do the hard part.  Just focus on your part.  

Christ knows each one of us by name.  He loves us.  As we seek personal revelation, we will be guided as to how we can connect in loving ways with our loved ones who are on a different path.  

Chris Rich

Certified Life Coach

**For more tips to help you connect in your mixed faith relationships check out my podcast or go to my website