Warning: I am about to get REAL…
Are you ready for a big dose of vulnerability?
Mother’s Day can be a hard day for me.
In fact, I dread Mother’s Day.
I grieve my own angel mom who died 23 years ago.
I want to hug my daughter who lives out of the country.
I miss living away from our dear family that is celebrating together in Utah.
It is disappointing going to church by myself and hearing about all the amazing moms out there.
I am jealous of the cute families sitting together and the husbands that spoil their wives.
I mourn with all the women who are hurting because of infertility, estrangement, death, and all the other yuck of life.
I judge myself for the times that I don’t show up as the mom I want to be and forget what a great job I really am doing.
I have expectations for how my people should be perfect humans and validate my goodness by celebrating me from dawn until dusk (not very realistic).
I feel ashamed that I am not enjoying the day and not appreciating all the good around me.
Turns out, it is not the day I dread, it is the powerful uncomfortable emotions I am scared of: grief, resentment, judgment, jealousy, shame, etc.
All that feels terrible.
I don’t want to feel any of that so I resist, react, and avoid my emotions by staying really busy, ignoring how I really feel, not showing up how I want to, and numbing out.
Sometimes I guilt my family into doing what I want them to do and it doesn't go well.
Or I might pretend it doesn’t hurt and celebrate myself: buy what I want, make the meal I would love, or write myself a card.
Perhaps I come up with a plan to focus on other Mothers so I don't have to feel my disappointment.
What if this year could be different?
What if I didn’t make it a problem that all those emotions come up for me?
What if I embraced all the human parts of me with compassion just like I would a dear friend who was struggling?
What if I just allowed all the feels to come up and allowed myself to be perfectly imperfect?
For the record: I am all for sharing my expectations (in fact I highly reccomend it), loving on myself (all the time, not just Mother's Day), and focusing outward.
BUT I don't want to do those things to run from my emotions.
I want to allow what is really coming up for me and then do those things because that is who I want to be, not because I don't want to feel the feels.
When I allow my emotions to be there with compassion and validate myself then I am more likely to see all the beauty that is available when I am ready to see it.
This year my Mother’s Day gift to myself will be to let me be me with a heart full of compassion for whatever comes up.
I am not going to pretend I am a robot mom void of human emotions, because I am not.
If Mother's Day is hard for you, I want you to know I get it.
If you need to work though the tough stuff that comes up, I am here for you.
Happy Mother's Day my loves.
PS If you missed my webinar on Wednesday, don't fret! I shared the real reason it hurts when your loved one leaves the church. I promise it is worth your while. Click here for the replay.
